Archive | February 2010

Talk Like A Pirate Day

(originally posted 9/21/2008)

For the uninitiated, every September 19th is International Talk Like a Pirate Day (TLAP). For someone like me, a valid excuse to act silly (I know, but I’m using artist license and considering this a valid excuse. I act silly all the time so I really don’t need an excuse. One could argue that the silly is not an act) is like a little gift from god.

Unfortunately, I am an awful pirate. I giggle too much. And everyone knows that pirates don’t giggle. “Avast there mateys” is not nearly so impressive when punctuated with copious quantities of giggles. And I must admit that I often break character. I’m talking about above and beyond the giggles. I’ll break into proper english to explain things. And my worst crime against piracy………….. I couldn’t find my eye patch!!!!! Oh the horror. I probably shouldn’t even be allowed to participate in TLAP day, but just try and stop me. 😀

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Someone’s Getting Lucky!

(originally posted 9/7/2008)

DALLAS – A robber rolled into a Dallas convenience store came armed with a bat and a knife. He left with a lot of condoms and an energy drink.

Ok, holy crap is that funny! I found this headline and blurb on Odd News – AP on Yahoo! News.

I have no interest in ever finding out any particulars about this incident. I don’t want anything to take away from the funny contained in those 2 sentences and headline. I want to be able to endlessly speculate why this occurred without having any messy facts get in the way of my fun. And honestly, if you’re stealing a lot of condoms, an energy drink is the obvious complement. Really.

Walking the Cat

(originally posted 9/7/2008)

So I swear this is true, but I’m teaching my cat, Rin, to walk on a leash.
The first time, things didn’t go so well. It wasn’t a walk so much as a drag and carry, mostly the carry.
Today, I took my cat for a long walk. I believe that the only reason that she decided to walk on the leash is because she gassed the bag I was carrying her in. I swear, I may never be able to use that bag again. There’s no way an animal that weighs less than 8 pounds should be able to produce such a potent, lingering smell.
Anyway, she got to the point where she would walk almost like a dog. She doesn’t like when cars pass, and she growls when we pass other people or animals (which is flipping hilarious) but we’ll work on that next time. I’ll get her in touch with her inner dog.

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The Cat Hole

(originally posted 8/24/2008)

So I have a cat, Rin. I adopted her on Fathers’ Day this year. I also have 2 dogs, Laika and Bunnee. They are big, fluffy, white marshmallows (samoyeds). I’ve had them since they were puppies. They are 11 and 8, respectively. When I brought her home, I set up Rin’s litter box in my utility room in my lower level.

My dogs quickly decided that the litter box was some sort of snack box (ew, ew, I know, puke-worthy ). There is nothing like the smell of hot litter box as it is breathed on you by your dogs. The smell is almost a solid thing. It surrounds you and refuses to release you. I swear that evil miasma follows you once it has you. It is indescribable (although, clearly, I’ve tried to describe it). It may be the most awful smell that I have ever smelled. And when you realize what the smell is caused by, it’s even worse.

So, I needed to figure out how to let the cat into the utility room while keeping the dogs out. My solution was to have my husband cut an oversized mouse hole in the door. I figure, hey, it’s a hollow door, they don’t cost that much. When we go to sell the house, we’ll just replace the door. Problem solved!!!! Well, the “cat hole” (I know, insert dirty joke here. Wait! I said “insert”. Hehehe. Oh, dear god, I’ve turned into Beavis, or Butthead) is hilarious. If you sit on the floor outside the utility room, the cat will attack you through the hole. And she kicks the dogs butts (or faces as it were) when they stick their big fat noses in the hole. Continue reading

Frankencouch

(originally posted 9/7/2008)

.. .. So. I got my kitty, Rin on Fathers’ Day. For the first few weeks everything was good. My dogs, Laika & Bunnee were curious but mostly left her alone.

Recently, the dogs have figured out that Rin isn’t just visiting (we’ve watched other people’s dogs before so I think at first they suspected she’d be an annoyance for about a week but she’d be gone after that).

One evening last week, me and the fam went out for a few hours (probably to go grocery shopping or something way exciting like that). Apparently, the dogs had decided they had enough and trapped Rin under my kids’ bunkbed. They ripped up one end of the mattress and destroyed the bottom bunk’s headboard trying to get to Rin! The mattress was only a year or so old. I was so pissed. Continue reading

Marketing Decisions

(originally posted 3/1/2009)

I took my children to Toys-R-Us yesterday (they couldn’t deal with the fact that they still had unspent Toys-R-Us gift cards from Christmas). I haven’t been in a Toys-R-Us for many months. And I saw some strange things.

I understood when they started selling diapers and kids’ clothes. I sort of understood them starting to carry digital cameras and cell phones. You would expect a toy store to carry electronic toys, so digital cameras and cell phones aren’t too big of a departure. From a parent’s point of view, I can appreciate that they now carry some (very low quality) musical instruments. I’m behind anything that encourages children to think and create.

I just don’t understand Toys-R-Us carrying pet clothes, grooming supplies, and bedding. But again, they’ve been doing this for a while now so I was prepared to see these items. However, there is nothing that you can say to me to make me understand why Toys-R-Us is selling Sally Hansen Lip Inflation Plumping Treatment. WTF?!?! Where is this considered a good product to be selling to children? I am assuming that the target customer is children and parents shopping for CHILDREN!!! What message is this sending? Or is it that Toys-R-Us is so confused about how to stay in business that they’ll now sell anything?

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