Just once

(originally posted 10/25/2008)

I want to put something down in my house and be able to come back and find that the item is where I left it and in the same condition that I left it in.

I have a pretty good life, so I’m not going to try to pretend I’m some victim, some put upon unappreciated (well, sometimes.  Who am I kidding, a lot of times.  Fortunately, I have an ok sense of self so I don’t need constant validation from others) martyr.  I’m just a normal (haha, using artistic license by describing myself as normal) working mom.  I have the same types of problems that all working moms have: not enough time, not enough patience, not enough money.  If I had more time and patience, all the things that get me down (about the kids & pets messes) wouldn’t be so frustrating.  I’d be able to take the time to calmly explain the situation to my kids and have them fix their messes and/or help them fix their messes.  Then the orchestra would play, I’d give them a hug, and we’d all sit in the kitchen while I prepared a little snack and some family bonding time. (And if I had more money, I’d just hire someone to clean up after us and I wouldn’t care what the kids and pets did.  I could have it cleaned and/or replaced).

But, I don’t have time.  So when I wake up on Saturday morning and my son has peed on the floor (I thought I was done with potty training! This is just NOT fair.  I did my time, I paid my debt to s…. oops, Cheech and Chong just popped into my head there), one of the kids left the utility room door open and the dogs were in the litter box (yummmm!), and there’s just generalized mess everywhere (everything was put away before I went to bed. & I only went to bed 6 hours before.  And the kids were sleeping for most of those 6 hours), I get a bit lot cranky.  I haven’t had enough sleep and we have to get the kids feed, dressed, and packed for swimming lessons.  I have a jewelry-making workshop, I need time to exercise, the kids are going to pick out a pumpkin with my husband, a new babysitter is coming over because my husband and I are going to a Halloween costume party.  I don’t have time.  I don’t have patience.  All these little things become massive in my sleep-deprived little mind.  So, I just start complaining, yelling it’s not very nice.

So this morning, I let my husband address most of it and I sat in a comfy chair and wrote this instead.  No, I don’t have time to be doing this.  Yes, I should’ve helped.  But, I always fix things, I’m taking the morning off.  I’ll help out once I’ve calmed down.  I feel pretty good about it, I was only a partial b&^%* this am (god, I hate when I lose it and dissolve into yelling and anger) and my husband (who really is much better at doing things around the house than most husbands that I hear about) can see why I was pissed, because he had to clean everything up.  Then he’ll have to acknowledge that I have a reason to be pissed.

Well, I’m going to stop writing and eat some of those yummy pancakes my husband’s making.  I’m going to switch my plate with his those, just in case he decided to take revenge by fouling the pancakes he put on my plate.


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