Archive | April 2010

Hello Kitty’s Guide to Everything Nice

I have this thing for Hello Kitty.  I like what the character represents: innocence, positive outlook, fun, youthful attitude, femininity, etc.

Today I was looking through my son’s Scholastic book order flier and I saw “Hello Kitty’s Guide to Everything Nice: Do’s Don’ts, Manners, and Mistakes.

I think I want it.  I also want to correct the misuse of the apostrophe in dos.  I know that it looks strange without the apostrophe, but is incorrect with the apostrophe.  Do is not possessive and therefore should not possess an apostrophe.

Maybe Sanrio should have a Hello Kitty guide to grammar and punctuation.  They’ve plastered Hello Kitty on everything else.

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Pirate Strawberries

I was shopping at Giant Eagle a few weeks ago and I saw the strangest promotion for strawberries.  Here, look:
The bad product association continues:
I love strawberries.  And I love pirates.  I have no idea what they are meaning by putting the two things together.  It’s not September, Talk Like a Pirate Day is months and months away.

Is this meant to imply that one will get scurvy if he (she) doesn’t eat strawberries?

My kids have those swords.  Someone always ends up crying when they play with those stupid things.  I should really throw them away when the kids aren’t looking.

I’m still confused.  Wouldn’t other produce items be better at preventing scurvy than strawberries?  Wouldn’t the threat of scurvy sell more oranges than strawberries?

I’m so confused.

Right Hand Stroke

I just heard the best willfully misunderstood statement from a basketball announcer.   I’m watching (well, listening) to the Cavs – Bulls play off game 2 and an announcer is talking about Jamario Moon.  And the announcer says:

“We didn’t know about his right hand stroke”.

That is brilliant! I love it.  It is second only to hearing John Madden say “there’s nothing like seeing a young, tight end on the field” (oh yes, I realize I’ve placed that comma to suit my interpretation of his statement). I have to whole-heartedly agree with John Madden.  I quite enjoy seeing those young, tight ends on the field.

Monster Balls

That’s just mean! What would you even use monster balls for?  Were the monsters done with them?  No wonder I haven’t seen any monsters lately (well, the non-human kind anyway), they’re being hunted for their balls!

Moustache Wax

I love camp.  Campy things that I love include (but are not limited to):

  • Hello Kitty
  • Pirates (in the abstract, not real pirates)
  • late 80s/early 90s hair metal
  • Moustaches (in the abstract, not real moustaches)

I really have no idea why I love moustaches so much.  I would revolt if my husband grew one.  I only recall ever dating one man with a moustache.  I can’t even think of a man who looks better with a moustache than without.

But they are campy.  In the abstract, moustaches are amazing! I like the Family Guy episode where Peter grows a moustache.  It’s the best.

Anyway, this past weekend I was shopping and kept finding goofy moustache things.  It was so hard to resist purchasing.  I have so many silly moustache tchotchkes. Well, more tees than tchotchkes, but really, how many moustache-based things can one girl really have?

I found more tees this weekend, this was the funniest:

but it’s still not as funny as one I already have.  My favorite moustache tee is this one I bought from Shoparooni (which I just found out closed at the end of last year. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!). It says “Guns don’t Kill People, People with Moustaches Kill People“.  I would have included a link to Shoparooni, but, but, wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can’t believe Shoparooni closed! I loved that store.  I couldn’t afford to shop there often, mostly because it was expensive, useless things.  But they were useless things that I loved (like Kid Robot stuff and moustache tees and stuffed poop and plush moustaches and, and, and they had artwork by Steve Ehret! and the goofiest cards ever)………

………I’m sorry, I was talking about moustaches.  And moustaches and melancholy don’t mix. Wait, maybe they do………………….

No. No.  Moustaches and whiskey.  Moustaches and denim.  Moustaches and 70s tv.  Sure! Moustaches and sadness, NO!

I also found possibly the coolest moustache tchotchke ever (except for the Shawnimals Moustached Ninja, which I still don’t have).  Here, look:

this is sooooooo cool!  A stuffed, moustachioed bunny.  Oh, oh. It was so hard not to buy.  But I thought about how I would explain this purchase to my husband.  I almost had my reasoning worked out.  But I just couldn’t get it.  I think the fact that I was stone sober had something to do with that.  Actually, that’s quite sad, I was totally sober and spent my Saturday afternoon taking pictures of moustache merchandise that I didn’t even buy! Hmmmm.

You know, since I mentioned Shawnimals ninjas, I should mention that ninjas are another type of campy thing that I love.  Again, this is love of the abstract idea of the ninja.  I just found out that Shawnimals have a Ninja of the Month subscription.  If it didn’t cost $400, I almost wouldn’t care what was included, I might have to buy.  But $400 gets you a handmade ninja each month. The people at Shawnimals are truly insane (that’s a compliment).

Right now, you can buy a Mustachio Bundle Pack. It has a large plush moustache (that sports eyes and it’s own moustache), the pocket stache (a pocket-sized plush moustache.  I have this! It is absurd and delightful), and some other crap.  That’s so great.

So, sometimes when I blog, I look up related info.  And, while looking up moustaches (and really, the moustache deserves the “o”, there shall be no alternate spelling), I found this blog called “Mustaches of the Ninteenth Century“.  I thought I was strange.  The pictures are fabulous.

Don’t forget to give respect to the Milk Moustache campaign.  Fantastic! And important.  Drink your milk.  Now!

I found some site called Moustache March that supposedly has something to do with charity.  However, it’s a group promoting moustaches and they have a manifesto.  Should I call Homeland Security? Really though, the group somehow thinks that growing a moustache to solicit charitable contributions is a good idea.  I say it is discriminatory.  It excludes many women (not nearly all, but many women).  Also, the only donation I’d make to a participant is a good razor. There motto, “Just Grow It”, is funny.  The logo even spoofs the Nike swoosh.

And to illustrate the idea that not all women are excluded from participating in the Moustache March, here’s a site called Women with Moustaches. It’s really not for the faint of heart.  I can’t clean the images out of my brain! Ahhhh!  Haven’t these women heard of Nair?

I still like this site, Moustache Me, that sells moustache stickers and encourages buyers to use the stickers to deface adverts. If you’re going to deface an ad, save yourself the money and draw the moustache on yourself.  It’s much more personal.  It tells people, “I cared enough to take the time to deface this poster by hand”. 

I love this wall decoration, because it really speaks the truth.  The world does need more stache.  And if you’re not tired of moustaches already, you should definitely check out the American Moustache Institute.  They have a weekly moustache video and a moustache interview of the month.  Also, the have the Robert Goulet Memorial Moustached American of the Year Award.

And of course, there’s the World Beard and Moustache Championships.  The pics on this site are truly amazing.

I found way more stuff than I pictured here but:

  1. I’m lazy
  2. stores don’t appreciate you taking pictures of their merchandise and not buying any
  3. I’m lazy
  4. I was too busy giggling to surreptitiously take the pictures

You know what, Cinco de Moustache is coming up! Maybe that’s why I’ve been finding so much moustache stuff.  Oooh.  I can’t wait!  I’m dusting off my plush, pocket stache as I type.

Cheers!