Not For Internal Use

I bought a new “massager” today, or as they say in Italy “massaggiero” (hey, that’s what the box says.  In fact, if I knew my world flags, I could give tell you how to say massager in 4 more countries/languages).

Anyway, the warning on the box says “This product… blah blah… adult novelty … blah blah… should never be other than for external use“.  Really.  And it goes on to say “It should not be used on a prolonged or frequent basis.” Again, really.

First, a vibrator really isn’t that novel.  Second, if I was going to use it externally, well, I wouldn’t have spent $60 I would have bought one of those round ones that have the three round “feet” that they display by every check out in every store I’ve ever been in and cost $10.  Third, I was trying to find a picture of the type of massager I’m talking about and I can’t but I found adult massagers in the shape of a daisy (really, with the white petals and a big long green stem), rubber ducks, and caterpillars (that’s just creepy). Fourth, how long is prolonged? Fifth, how often is frequent?

That warning is just stupid. That’s like the warning about never leaving a child unattended in a crib.  Seriously, why do products have warnings that tell one not to use them for their intended purpose? Will my next car say have a warning saying that it should never be used as personal transport?

While shopping for my massager, I finally saw the Hello Kitty massager in person for the first time.  I’ve seen pictures of it online but it’s just not the same.  First, it’s really tiny and it’s really expensive.  Second, I don’t want a Hello Kitty massage. Ever. But, you know, more power to Sanrio.

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