Archive | September 2010

Things Overheard at My House

Thing 1 (my oldest) to The Monkey King (my youngest):

Will you quit putting things on my butt

Ha ha ha ha ha.

If your ass is a shelf, people might put stuff on it.

Ha ha ha ha ha.


I Think Someone’s Plotting to Kill Me

I have this bike.  I love to ride it (although it does awful, unspeakable things to my lady-parts).

I ride it a ton (for fitness not for lady-part destruction).  It’s funny because whenever I mention riding the first thing people ask is what kind of bike I have.  I have some shitty bike I bought already assembled from Target. I have no idea if it is a mountain bike or what the other kinds of bikes are.  Don’t ask me.  I know nothing! I’m not even sure what brand it is. Schwinn maybe (and I’m so uncoordinated and not athletic, companies would pay me to NOT use their stuff.  I have anti-sponsors.  Nike begs me to cover up the swoosh on my shoes and track pants.  Asics is sooooo happy that I only use its shoes on my treadmill and told me that I would be paid to keep it that way).  I don’t care. It’s a bike.  It has two wheels.  It’s light blue.  It has 21 gears and only 4 have ever worked (probably because some stoner at Target was paid minimum wage to assemble the stupid thing).

Oh, sorry. Tangent.

Anyway.  I love to take long bike rides on the weekend.  Like 20+ mile bike rides (made possible only through the miracle of padded bike shorts – and after mile 15 or so, even they are not enough).

So I was 5 miles into my weekend bike ride and I realize that only one of my bike brakes is functional (I found this out at the most inopportune moment, I was very close to being windshield art) and apparently, my shitty gears have decided that they are going to slip continually.  It’s very disconcerting to be peddling and then have no resistance at all because the gears have slipped.

Once again I was wearing a big, heavy backpack ( I like to do my errands on bike and I was on my way to the paper/cardboard recycling box with a very full backpack).  It was very windy and (as I have just changed asthma meds), I started having an asthma attack.

So, I’m 5 miles from home, carrying a heavy backpack, with one functional brake and incessantly slipping gears, without my rescue inhaler, and all by myself.

I say it was a setup.  I think someone is trying to kill me.  I heard a rumor that a sizable life insurance policy was just taken out on me by my dog.  And I’ve seen her eyeing my side of the bed lately. And for some strange reason, I found cable cutters underneath her dog bed.

I’m not eating anything unless I see her taste it first.

Well I Guess This is Growing Up


No matter how hard I work, there are just some things that can’t be undone.  Like the effects of age and gravity and pregnancy.

That’s just not fair.

You know what else reminds me I’m growing up? I just saw this show where these people come in and organize a house, and I wanted to watch.  Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

It’s all downhill from here.

<3 the cider

I hate fall.  Ok.  That’s a lie.  I hate that summer is over, but I love fall.  The chill in the air, the crunch of the fallen leaves, the clear nights perfect for a good long walks.  Some days, when the wind is just right, I get so overwhelmed with the smells of fall that I just can’t even contain myself.  I get totally giddy with fall (ha, I guess if you know me, you might not be able to tell the difference).

Oh, I love that it gets cool enough that I can sport my over-the-knee socks (ooh, I just bought my first new pair of the season). Bonfires (fire, fire) in the fall when you have to wear a jacket and cuddle up with someone, preferably under a blanket 😉 .  And apple cider. Lovely, lovely apple cider.

And what makes any drink better?  Come on, you know this one.


Look what I found tonight.

It’s (part of) a woodchuck hard cider sampler pack.  I’ve had the amber and granny smith.  But I’ve not even seen the limited edition or the 802 before.

Since I was such a good girl and pushed myself hard during my run tonight, and took a 12.5 mile bike ride, I decided that I earned one of these.

The limited edition puts the others to shame.  I even like it better than Original Sin on tap.  It has hints of apple pie spices.  Don’t ask me which ones, I’m not that sophisticated (ok, cinnamon for sure.  The brewers were subtle and didn’t allow the spices to be overpowering).  It’s delightful.  If only I had been in front of a bonfire in my over-the-knee socks and a jacket (and pants too, but only because I don’t want to scare off the neighbors), it would have been a perfect fall experience.

But it still tasted pretty damn good on my couch while I watched my TIVO’d episode of Vampire Diaries.

John Sykes, You Did It Again

I once wrote a very funny blog about the song Jelly Roll by Blue Murder. But I took it down when I was transferring blogs to this site from my old blog site. I regret that decision because it was quite silly; I was inspired when I wrote it.

The thing is, I love the song Jelly Roll. Whenever I hear it, I have to sing it, no matter how inappropriate it is to sing aloud.  It’s a compulsion.  So, if you saw a girl riding her bike in the dark singing Jelly Roll this evening, that was me.  I’ll own it (I’m a complete dork).  The song came up on my phone while it was on shuffle.  And once I started singing, well, I sang along to many other songs that were not worthy of me making a fool of myself.

It’s such a completely obscure song.  But it’s one of my all time favorite songs.  I know, it dates me, but hey, kiss my getting-better-with-every-day-ass.  It’s such a shame that John Sykes (the band was called Blue Murder, but it was really just John Sykes) didn’t become more successful.  He came so close so many times.

Seriously.  John Sykes was in Think Lizzy and Whitesnake.  But never during the most popular phases for either band. And Blue Murder, apparently, was somewhat of a super group (if you consider that lesser members of moderately popular bands put together can form a super group).  I never knew that until just now.  Thank you wikipedia (if that info is actually true).

Oh John, that one song will be on my playlist forever.  & I will forever be compelled to sing your song no matter how doofy I look doing it.

Canadian Invasion

My neighborhood is experiencing a Canadian Invasion.  I can only wish it was a musical invasion.

Instead, it’s those crappy little bugs.  They are EVERYWHERE!

Every time I let my dog out, they come swarming in.  They swarm in and literally coat our kitchen walls just below the ceiling.  It’s a disgusting, living decorative border.  Ugh! There are so many of them that we have been using the hose attachment on the vacuum to get them off the wall.  So beyond foul.

We celebrated once of my children’s (Thing 2) birthday recently.  While we were sitting at the kitchen table enjoying some lovely chocolate cake (made from scratch, frosting too), my mother-in-law looked at our patio door.  The patio door was a solid, writhing sheet of buggy madness.  She found the sight so distressing, she quickly found an excuse to leave.

Hmmmmm.  Maybe I need to rethink this.  Maybe the bugs aren’t so bad after all.

Hobbit Day

Happy Hobbit Day!

In order to celebrate, I’m watching the first disk of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, the extended version.  I’ve seen this so many times and I still find it so beautiful every time.

And because I can’t get my hands on any pipe weed or the Gaffer’s ale, I’m making due with  a lemon vodka-based mixed drink.

I hope in a few years I’ll be able to see the Hobbit on hobbit day, but considering all the hold ups and MGM’s crappy finances, I suspect it’ll be more than a few years until that occurs.

Cheers anyway!