One of my many guilty pleasures is that Cosmo subscription I am just not ready to give up. It makes me laugh. It provides endless fodder for snarky commentary.
Pages and pages of ads and “articles” for outrageously expensive, and often really ugly clothing. (Seriously, the mullet dress will never be cool. Stop.) Then a tiny tiny article about saving money. Pages of fitness crap and anorexic models and then recipes for drink s that are hundreds of calories.
Anyway, this month, Cosmo had a bunch of “beat that heat” type beauty treatments and one is just so stupid, I had to share it.
In the “Beauty Book” section is a blurb called “Cold feet”. And I’ll delight you with the Cosmo suggestion for cooling off your feet:
End a long day (or night) with this pedi soak from NYC’s Sweet Lily Natural Nail Spa: Fill a bowl with a gallon of cool water, two cups of lemon juice, two sliced lemons, and one-quarter cup vodka. When it hits your feet and ankles – two powerful pulse points – your whole bod will feel amazing.
There are so many things wrong with this I need to sit and think because the smart ass comments are coming so fast my head’s going to explode. So I’ll start with this one: A quarter cup of vodka will have a much bigger effect if I drink it than if I soak my stupid feet in it.
Rubbing caviar on my ass won’t make my ass more round or firm or appealing, it will only prove I have more money than sense. Soaking my feet in vodka won’t make my body feel amazing. You can rub whatever expensive ingredient you want on my body and it won’t make me look any better. It won’t make me posh or sophisticated. It will only prove I’m an idiot. All those silly trends are designed to suck money out of my wallet and prove I’m a wasteful moron.